Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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