What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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