maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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