If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
