but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
