They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
