new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I bet he comes in French.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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