So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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