Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
