im having a threesome with these popsicles
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
