apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
