So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
