is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
