Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
