Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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