I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
