you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
