Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
