just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
