New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
