we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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