the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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