I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
no you cant smoke seaweed
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
