accomplished twins. life is a go
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
