Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
