Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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