Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
