Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
