Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Randomize
