Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
