Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
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