So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
