Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
