Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
