go do what you do best...puke behind churches
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have already put on my inside pants.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
