I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
