I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
