So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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