When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
ttyl tear gas
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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