Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My dick has a subreddit
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
