The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
