you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
