What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
