Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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