did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
