I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
