: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
