yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
