you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
