Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
