What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
