so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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