What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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