I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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