Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
