they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
